Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
