hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
