Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
