I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
