He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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