girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
