she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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