When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize