Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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