She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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