He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
