Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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