you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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