I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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