someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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