Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
