I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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