you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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