just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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