i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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