Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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