You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
