I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
