Nicole vs. Life
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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