It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
