yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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