Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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