he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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