so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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