if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
