Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
