I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
