She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
