Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
