I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
