I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
