they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
