i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
