ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
