My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
