I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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