I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
