were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
