Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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