I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
