Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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