he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
