It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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