Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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