So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Actions speak louder than pants.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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