When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
