worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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