Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
