the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
