.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
