Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
