You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
