apparently the secret to your success is patron
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
