Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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