i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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