just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
