Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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