you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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