So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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