I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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