This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
