He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
