just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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