The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize