i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
