after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
