Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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