Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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