happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
