xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
that is very illegal...i love you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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